the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
