so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
