I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
