we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
