C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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