It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
