I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
