I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
