Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
