I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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