Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
