sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
