One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
