then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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