You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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