Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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