Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
