we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
