whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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