Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
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