he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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