The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
