i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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