Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
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