Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
