Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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