Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
