The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
