She is in my trunk
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
