I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
