Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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