i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
