There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
