adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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