Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
