yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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