it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
