This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
