you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
