"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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