his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
