but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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