What did we do last night that was yellow?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
