I wannas sexs uuuuu
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
