Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
