I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
