we have pet lesbian snakes
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
it glows. i had to have it.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
