My friends, they love my intelligence
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
