dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
