i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
